Bittersweet Outbursts

It was a moment when Aislyn was napping and I was laying back on the patio soaking in the amazing peaceful sunshine.  Even more therapeutic was the constant sound of churning water as a 4-year old B stood at the water table spinning the wheel that created a gentle wave effect.  He watched them as they rose and fell, all while taking a huge bite out of one of his mini-carrot muffins we baked together for  a snack.  As I took a sip of my cool water he abruptly announced, “Thank you Mama Jess, for making my life is so much better when I’m here.”  At first I took it as a sweet compliment, my heart filled, as my entire efforts every holiday is making sure that B has the most magical and happy childhood ever, I take pride that he appreciates my efforts.  But then my heart sinks again, knowing we are only his summer house.  It makes me wish the divide between our lives were not so great the majority of the year.

There are other moments that his father and mine heart sinks at comments he makes.

-“Wow, I’ve always wanted my own bed!”

-“I like it here, I get toys that aren’t already broken and from the flea market.”

-“Can I please stay here.”(between tears at bedtime)

-“Mama Jess, can you just be my mommy?”

-“They throw away my toys at mom’s house.”

It’s awkward at times, you don’t really know what to feel, or what is the exact best response to certain questions.  At the same time you don’t know how much to believe, as we all know tots can tell some tall tales.  I hope when he is older it will be easier to decipher the true cries for help.  With such a great distance there is no real knowing what his lifestyle is truly like.  There is no telling what he says about us when he goes home to them each September.


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