sahMommy Melancholy Mended

Everyday it’s the same thing, we wake up, we eat breakfast, we put away the clean dishes.  We go out for an hour or two (park, children’s museum,etc), or do a project at home (painting, Sesame Street, playing, etc.).  We prepare and eat our lunch.  We clean our mess, we go to nap.  Over nap time I try to blog, I do laundry, I sweep, I mop, I dust the house.  And then it is time to cook dinner, which I do, and then we eat and we wash the dishes, take a bath.  Play an hour, and then it’s bedtime again.  Exhausted I climb into bed and stay up all night with the hubby watching Netflix.  Wake up…repeat.  An endless cycle of the same.  I do try to shake it up with outings, but I still come home to the same old routine.  Since I have started blogging I have become happier, but at the same time it has only made me fall further behind in my chores and duties.

There seems to be no time in the day for projects.  I look out our back door at the water table covered in guck from terrible weather, and since October I’ve thought, next week, when it warms up, when I feel a little more energy, when I even find the time I will clean that up.  I look at my still packed craft closet, or the huge pile of empty boxes that need to be broken down in the garage.  I have a medicine cabinet, shelf, and bookshelf awaiting to be built.  I have a book I’m trying to complete, and product to craft for the upcoming craft fair this April.  The laundry is beginning to back up, considering blogging has taken its place.  I ask for help, but the help never seems to happen.  Instead we go out and find more projects to purchase, despite my protests.  My protests are found to just be me behaving ugly as they come out a bit sarcastic, “Oh just another project for me to try do on my own.”

I understand he is busy, and I understand he works, this is my job (or so my friends love to remind me).  But this was really starting to effect my sanity, my happiness, and in turn my happiness with him and our marriage.

Yesterday though was amazing.  We went as a family to eat, and instead of running around shopping for more projects, we decided to work outside together.  We gathered the leaves that had created a mountain out of our back patio, cleaned off the patio furniture together.   While he fertilized and treated the yard for weeds I put the finishing touches on the patio.  While I cleaned off the water table he built the dog kennel that has sat in our entryway for nearly a month.  We sat on the porch swing and soaked in the spring as we watched Rocko, our dog, struggle to escape his new and improved larger outdoor kennel.

We went in and I fixed dinner while he played a video game with his best friend who was over.  I brought down the chicken spaghetti and we all ate while I blogged, Aislyn played, and the boys hung out.  When his best friend left we bathed Aislyn and put her down for bed, and suddenly he began to tackle the ever so infamous Blob that resides in our bedroom.  He organized his drawers and Armoire so that all of his clothing fit, and even made space for odds and end items that needed to go into the medicine cabinet once that is built.

I wish I knew his drive, or his inspiration.  I thanked him on the porch swing, let him know it was nice to see him working on something, discovering his part in helping to build this family.  That night as we laid down I thanked him again, the room was a relief.

This afternoon, after assembling B’s entire bedroom for his arrival this Friday, I sat on the back porch with Sam (the new ‘mommy’s helper’) as we watched Aislyn play on the water table and Rocko running laps in his kennel.  I felt for the first time since we had moved to Alabama truly relaxed.  I felt relief because I finally have help. I hope this wasn’t a one time appearance, I hope he is overcoming his own journey of exhaustion and depression.  I hope we can be mended with a little more consistency.  I hope I can finally feel accomplished as opposed to this consistent overwhelmed feeling of drowning.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. BecHanson says:

    It’s as though we’re not meant to say it, but staying home and looking after young children can be really, really tough! I’ve been there (and more than one child is even more demanding). Looking back in hindsight, I would have tried to work more, but that’s not always easy to organise at the time, there is just more and more work not done at home.

    I really love this time now in my life, the kids are older and life’s really interesting. Sometimes unexpected changes are good, hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement and the reminder ‘This too is temporary’.
      I’ll be up to three kiddos in May, and I think it’s knowing it’s just about to become harder makes it that much more overwhelming.


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