A Fulfilling Life

When I was a young girl I had quite allot of life I wanted to live.  At a young age I was obsessed with growing old and dying and worried and fretted over it.  At the sight of deep wrinkled faces I was thrown into a panic.  I would watch the Toys ‘R’ Us ads on TV , a shadowed image of children of all sizes playing in the sun pranced across the screen as they sang, “I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys ‘R’ Us Kid”.  My heart would start to panic, “but I don’t want to grow up”, I would cry out.  Dad sat behind me on his dark blue arm chair, his eyes slit in a large smile glimmered, in his mind I was his little girl, I had along way to go for that, “everyone grows up,” he gave out a short laugh.  I spent nights tossing and turning over it at the age of five, until finally I decided, ‘okay, one life to live what do I want to do with it?’

Later I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, “Weather man, Movie Star, Teacher, Fireman, and President,” that was only a small part of a list I had contrived over the short few months since the Toys ‘R’ Us panic.  I’m told my dad at this threw his head back in a boisterous laugh, a sound that was like an angel’s song, “You are going to be a busy girl!”

As I grew up the list was altered, some jobs were dropped off while others added, but I never had a definite direction I dreamed of taking.  What I did know was I did not mind the size of the paycheck so long as I was rewarded in passion and inspiration.  I was offered a job out of high school at my grandfather’s bank that would promise sustainable and steady income, but after a summer taste I couldn’t handle the repetition, it was all too depressing for me.  So I quickly turned down that lucrative possibility and began work in retail.  I was never so happy as I was running my shop, each day was unique and different, the products we carried were unique, and our customers were different each day and from all walks of life.

I kept my company very similar, I wanted to surround myself with kindred soles who lived to let live.   Life is temporary and to some that means we have to achieve all we can in that time.  For some they want to make history, and will.  But for me I just wanted to enjoy each and everyday with a new adventure.  I look now at how Bryan has appeared in several TV shows, and is living with the love of his life in Louisiana, and I celebrate his excitement.  Josh C has been moving his way up in a technical retail world, traveling the nation, and taking on all challenges.  I see Clark living on the beaches of California, living for the moment, and I love it!  Joey lives with the love of his life and adorable pup.  So much achievement, so much passion, so many coloring outside the lines and pursuing their bliss.

With two young girls I am at a point in my life that I have to put my own shenanigans on hold.  A customer service job would require nights and weekends, or travel which would cause days away from my new baby.  I spend my days dreaming of the next step for me, Josh has offered several job paths that to him are fulfilling.  But his definition of fulfilling is not the same as mine and that’s okay.  He lives for success and history making, and he will make history, and we will be successful, but to work for a paycheck is an empty existence for me.

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I lay down at night in a panic, that cold tingle from those evenings listening to the jingle, “I don’t want to grow up”, but it can’t be helped and it can’t be stopped.  Everything is temporary and that is why it is so incredibly important make each day, moment, action count.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Josh Wrenn says:

    Awesome way to think about things. I will never grow up anymore than I have to!

    Liked by 1 person

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