Oh, I didn’t see you come in, you see I am quite busy at the moment, are you perhaps here to help me? You see I have bitten off more than I can chew you see, I’m not willing to make compromise, I’m just going to gnaw away until my jaw cannot anymore.
I am a mom to two and a special, super, wicked, bonus, step (everyone seems to have their own lingo they want me to use) mom to one more. I have started a job this week…a standard 9-5, no extraneous commute. I have these two blogs here and shopgirl that I strive to maintain regularly. I have signed on to assist a friend and her non-profit, I will keep her blog as well. My husband had a cardiac arrest last week, and his lupus treatment continues to fail him. I’ve decided I’m actually going to use all that paper I have buying for years to assemble the scrapbook for the girls before my memory fades. Our attempt to purchase the house of our dreams keeps hitting gigantic expensive road block, after gigantic expensive road block. Meanwhile I’m still attempting to maintain a social life with other moms and adults my own age.
I picture my life in fragments of a week and when I wake up this Sunday morning and look out at my prospective week I know I have a large to do list at work on Monday, Tuesday I need to take off to accompany my husband to see a doctor or two, Wednesday I take off work early which means I have two hours to write for all my blogs if my nanny is able to lay my sweet girls down for a nap before I arrive home early from work. Thursday another busy day at work, insert unplanned politically critical social function. Friday I have work and then Bunco. Saturday’s are full of birthday parties and errands that I have the time for over the week. For the first time ever in my life I have the necessity for this Sunday..this day of rest. I spend the morning with you my dear readers, escaping my day to day to reach out to you. I am so thankful for you, my lifeline.
I feel exhausted. It’s a great exhausted, but I miss my girls. I feel last week I got to hold my baby awake for honestly an hour or two combined. I’m worried and stressed over some of the more personal layers of each week, I want to call off the house for now…it’s not the time. I want to prepare for the holidays, and just work on recreating this space as our home. I want my husband to be able to work without undue stress, so I sit and I watch from my office like the mama bird protecting her nest. Just let him heal is all I can plead, if he doesn’t heal then none of it mattered to begin with.
My mantra until some steady ground: This too shall pass…all things are temporary.